What are your foodie wishes people?
Michelin stars, snickers bars? Raw vegan quinoa cakes with cashew cream and kale icing?
Me, I want a whole food superhero to fly in from a distant galaxy and completely eradicate strange cerulean blue food from our supermarket shelves. I want to live in a world without sour lollies that contain enough citric acid to dissolve your gizzards. I want an end to stupid manufactured chemical laden rubbish that we dump a load of apple flavour in and call it a 'fruity sweet'.
Come on people! I don't need my children to live on broccoli and barley but can we shoot for actual fricken ingredients! I am not offended by chocolate or cake, in fact a good french patisserie is one of my favourite harbours, just please don't sully my small ones with frankenfood.
Even though my great-grandmother had that whole copper wash tub thing, I'm quite envious that she never had to have these mind numbing conversations....
Her "Can I have this thing that turns your tongue blue"
Me "No way"
Her "Why not, it's cool!"
Me "Because real food isn't blue."
Her "What about blueberries?"
Me "Well done for spotting the one exception. Your prize is an apple"
Her "I don't want an apple, I want a blue tongue!"
Me "Then I'm afraid we have a small problem with you choosing to be born in human form. Next life I suggest you ask to be born in lizard form or giraffe perhaps? Giraffes are lovely, but I'm afraid you'll be living on thorny greens.
Her "Mum, it's just a lolly."
Me (in my head) "Sure and it's just crack."
" No it's a bunch of chemicals flavoured with numbers wrapped in plastic. In fact it's probably better to eat the wrapper."
Her " Do you really want me to eat the wrapper?"
Me "No. I want you to invest some serious nagging energy trying to convince me that if you don't eat a punnet of blueberries in the next half hour you may die of a lack of blueness in your belly or something."
Her "I love blueberries. You said they weren't in season and they had to travel miles and miles and you didn't want to have to pay their airfare. I want some blueberries and raspberries and blackberries."
Me "I'm afraid I don't have $28 to invest in your snack time but I applaud your choice."
Her "Now I really do truly want blueberries. Please."
Me "Fine! Whatever! Have some blue food already. And red. And black. While you're at it lets throw in some caviar and foie gras because I think I'm might still have a tiny space on my credit card. Why are the freakybluelolliesninetybloodycents!!!!!!"
I need a rest people.