Planting seeds of perfection

IMG_1612 copyThe other day I was talking to a student of mine who told me she was looking to improve her practice. She wanted to be better at yoga and a better version of herself. She wanted a stronger core and to lose weight. Sincere and sweet, I didn't want to risk offending her by my reaction to what she was saying. My response (in my head) came from a place of love- but to her ears it may have sounded a little like judgement. I made a vow to myself some time ago to be a Truthspeaker but I still struggle at times with the delicate balance of ahimsa (non-harming).

So I went home and spoke it aloud to the trees in my yard. Weird I know. But I really wanted them to pass it onto her somehow. Like some sort of arboreal osmosis, take these words and plant them in her lovely mind. While you're hands are dirty, put these seeds in my daughter's mind too.

What if today you were perfect?
With no air-brushing, no modification, no transformation at all. What if everybody, in every room, exploded into applause when you entered and smiled when you left?
What if you stopped searching and found everything?
What if when you looked in the mirror today, you saw what your mum sees?
Or your child, or your best friend?
What if you could see yourself with a heart full of love? What if you saw the truth? What if your yoga was enough? What if you were enough?
Imagine if you decided to stop worrying about everything and just walked in the light and accepted grace.
Imagine if, just for today, you nourished your body with food from the earth. Filled up with art and music and soulful gifts. Made a new friend. Did stuff that made you whole and happy.
What if you gave thanks to your body and mind for it's brilliance?
What if you found gratitude?
What if I told you that all that hurt you've been carrying is a choice you made? Would you put it down? Would you choose a different way?
If everything could be forgiven could you let it all go?
What if, in a moment of quiet, the universe spoke only to you?
What if she whispered of your divine magnificence?
Would you listen to the truth?

Namaste

Mxx

Itchy, scratchy, cranky and a whole lot of gratitude.

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Agh friends, lately I've been a bit restless.

You know the feeling? Itchy, scratchy, cranky. Waiting for change or chance but not sure which? Snappy at the kids or just plain grummoxed. You understand I'm sure, like when you don't know why you're so out of sorts.

It started a week ago when a long term project I'd been working on ended. Unfinished. I just had a really strong feeling it was over and I had somewhere else to be. My energy shifted immediately and I haven't thought of it since.

But for the last week I have been doing some stomping about saying "What now?" to the ceiling.

Well.....today I found my answer and a lovely new friend. One of those gorgeous girls that feel like a soul sister and she had a really exciting opportunity to offer me. It proved to me that if we seek change two things are usually necessary.

We need to make room.
We need to recognise restlessness as a whisper of possibility..and be patient.

I used to feel like I was supposed to be doing something, but what?? I always felt like I was meant to be somewhere else. It wasn't until I relaxed into my life and occupied the fullness of each day that I was able to start figuring out my path. And amazing, kind, people showed up to help.

Present and patient my Friends. I am so grateful to that beautiful soul who showed me a little picture of a potential pathway.

I can't wait to begin a new phase. Today!!

What do you need to begin??

A pause

The older I get the more grateful I become. I have more of those moments where you pause to notice all the good stuff this life throws up.

Just because.

Gratitude is a bit of a 21st century movement with social media making us aware of things like The Gratitude Project and Project 365. It's hip to give thanks for tumble down kids and green juices and funny goats and stuff. Things that make our hearts full and remind us that it's not all doom and gloom.

Hit 'Like".

It's wise to remember that the world doesn't turn because of what's on the six o'clock news.

To be aware that there is brilliance abounding through the fabric of our daily lives. People can be insanely kind and are often possessed by unnatural goodness. Children are in fact manifestations of perfection (even though they continue to leave their dirty soccer clothes on their floor.) Goats are ridiculously cute. There are in fact some ingredients that when paired together produce a pleasure that is palpable, a feeling of nostalgic ecstasy, even an audible hallelujah (or an amazing photograph on instagram).

All moments to be grateful for.

But can we dig a little deeper?

Can we find scope in our minds to be grateful for our experiences of heartache and loss? Those times that leave us feeling broken and bruised and that remove us from our Facebook loving fever. The things we wouldn't 'post'. Shameful, hurtful ugliness that scourges through our sunny days and darkens our sleepless nights.

The things that threaten our openness.

And tighten our hearts.

Can we be grateful for this?

I wouldn't 'post' my fears and sadness, nobody wants to see my catalogue of hurt and shame. I've had my share, but it's behind me and I'm better for it. All of it, not just the stuff I pick and choose. The older I get the more I see the lessons. The more I'm grateful for the learning hidden deep with the devastation. I wouldn't change any of the days gone past. Any change I need, I put ahead of me. The past just contains a record of hurts that shaped my heart.

....and the sweeter it is when the kids are laughing, my love calls and there's something good in the oven. Your friend has good news or someone sends you a photo of a baby hedgehog in a tiny hat. It rains and the world smells washed anew. Simple stuff that feels like magic.

Michelle xx

Be here now

The pull of melancholy has often added some tension to my days. That strange trickster that takes your present joy and gives it the ache of all that might be lost.

It happened this morning and I saw it's wile machination, I saw it and I told it so quite squarely.

"I see you."

I was sitting with my children having breakfast when to my surprise they unexpectedly broke into Happy by Pharrell Williams. All three of them, laughing and singing into their cereal, dancing in their seats. I was overcome with a really good hearty serve of gratitude for this moment. I was crazy pre-coffee happy and then.... this odd insidious sadness-

One day this will end.

One day my children will be grown and they won't sing around my breakfast table. They will be old and I'll be even older and this life won't be the same ever again. The sadness seemed to just swallow my joy like a piece of toast, until I saw it.

I see you Melancholy. 

I tried really hard not fall into lament, to pull back from that feeling of loss. I took back my happiness and willed it to be bigger and stronger. I let it fill up the room and have it's crazy impromptu performance moment. I told myself to have a good hard look at what's in front of me. Noah, with his wild hair and imaginary drum kit. Charlotte giggling so hard, she sings like nobody's listening. Isaac with that face that changed my days.

Be here now.

It will all end, someday. But now, I am here, surrounded by this mad bunch of beautiful people. I am lucky, but the greatest gift I have is that see my good fortune. I have learnt to take the time to notice and I have learnt to spot any threat to it's continuation. I'm not about to let myself just imagine bad stuff.

Yes one day the wolf may arrive at my door, it might be tragic and sad. Life sometimes is. Until then I'm with Pharrell- I'm a room without a roof!

 

 

 

Michelle xx