I’ve got some deep stuff stored in my body.
Haven’t we all? That well of inhumed suffering, long settled into the cellular storage that is our own little plot of person. It calls to the surface on occasion, a bulbous volcanism threatening to shred the peaceful platitude of our day to day and erupt from our wailing, wanting heart/head. The body is a mysterious vessel that holds your experience and never forgets.
Yoga is a salve that will ease the pressure of past pain. My practice has been a saviour for my soul. It’s massaged the poison out of my tissues and taught my large muscles to carry the heaviness of more than just my body. It’s taught me to listen to the voice of my being with compassion and understanding-that positivity isn’t always the truth. Sometimes there is shit and shadows.
Yoga has introduced me to the breath. The same breath that Ive held on to in fear, can let me go- finally. To release me into a body that vibrates with compassion, kindness and clarity. A body that is of service, not only to my soul but to others. A body made for love and smiles and solace for friends and family and the lady that sells me groceries. A body built for freedom.
…but I still have my stuff. My fears, my insecurities, my anger and my doubts. How to deal when the devil comes to play? I need to burn through the bullshit and come back into being. It’s not easy. I despise the mumbo jumbo schlock that gets thrown around in new age circles. Affirmations and auric cleansing are only going to serve you when your head feels nice and shiny and your housework is done. Lets get real here- when you’ve been in the same clothes for three days and your internal chatter is more profanity than peace, no amount of crystal/chakra/spaceclearing is going to put you right-side-up.
What do I need when I’m raw and broken and there’s no light in my soul? First I need soup. Because home cooked broth speaks volumes about safety and kindness, slowing down and sinking in. Soup makes me happy.
Then I need Leonard Cohen because I truly love him and have spent half my life cradled in between the lines of his loveliness.. His words remind me that we are here to live a life on the spectrum of emotion. It ain’t all sunshine and skittles folks.
Finally I need sun salutations. Lots of them. I need to find my way into that realm of repetitive movement when the body starts to release and relent. The mind travels on an arc of elevation-first annoyed, then bored, past pain, through that shit you said, finally finding flow and then peace. After about an hour the body feels like it’s sweated out some bad stuff and settled into the centre of the universe.
Mind clear and body tired-laughter bubbles up from the bottom of the bucket and you realise-“I’m going to be ok.”
We are here to love and to lose and to get mad and afraid and hurt. We are here to celebrate and commiserate and sometimes life is joyful and sometimes it’s not. The beauty of our experience is found only by comparison.
We see the light in contrast to the dark. ….and it’s the cracks that let the light in.
Tomorrow morning is a very special sun salutations class. It will be a devotional practice that reminds us that yoga can be a moving meditation. This class offers an opportunity to shift long held blocks in the body and observe our inner dialogue. It is for all levels of practice-we work at our own pace. Class starts at 8am-930 and will include restorative poses at the end.
If none of this does the trick and you're in need of a lie down and a good read, might I recommend Yoga For Life by Colleen Saidman Yee? Beautifully written, truthful account of a full life and some well thought out sequences to sort through it all. xx