For anyone who has ever questioned the 'design' of the universe, I feel like 2018 is here to show us who's boss. Since the year clicked over I have had moments where I felt like I was trapped in a washing machine with a tomcat! All snarling, cranky, crazy, while I desperately sought solid ground. Apparently we've just ticked over to year of the dog but so far my 2018 has been crazy cats for days.
Until yesterday, I drew a line in the sand. Which is weird because unbeknownst to me that was the change over date in Chinese astrology. I shook my fist at the sky and said "Enough!" I packed myself off to the studio and beat my drum until the walls shook. I even sang to my ancestors (you know things are bad when I start singing!) and asked for them to lean in close for a while. I sung for my family, for my friends and for my untethered spirit. I sang until I cried and my arms got tired and then I sang one last song for my feet.
May I find the earth. May I find my way home.
I burnt sage, did some yoga and called my energy back to the centre. Life is not always about expansion. It's not always about what is out there, what we put 'out' or find 'out'. Sometimes we need to turn in. After all, the way inward is safe and enduring. It's the only thing that makes sense when nothing else does.
It's not always a clear path though. After years of practice I still sometimes lose my way. Sometimes I have to use my whole toolkit to find the bloody way in. I need to leave behind my partner, the kids and the dogs. The ever-updating-to-do list needs to stay on the damn fridge. I need to call in all my teachers and their teachers, my songs and my sadness. I have to throw it all on my back and lug it up the mountain just to find....me.
And every time I get there I wonder why it's taken me so long. Why the tears and the fears and the fallout. "I've been here all along? Just waiting for you to show up. Knowing that you would get tired of being thrown around in that washing machine cycle of torment. Knowing that you'd get here eventually."
It's always so good to find the earth beneath your feet.
This week's class is all about calling us back to centre. May we all find our way home.